Humor Short Story

Slow Death

You are on a date.

You look handsome, she looks pretty.
She is smart and you are witty.

It is going perfect. You had a romantic candle light dinner under the moonless starry sky followed by a tender dance. Welcoming romantic gestures surfaced on her face every once in a while.

You are driving back. You hardly hear what she is saying because fantasies have engaged your senses.

You don’t know for sure why, but you have a feeling that this could be “The Night”.

She plays with her hair while she invites you to her place; if you could hang out for a little while. She has already told you that she lives alone. Her mischievous smile and a tongue rolling on her pink lips reveal her plan.

As your fantasy takes wings and begins to fulfill, your excitement starts exhibiting through your stammer.

Hesitant on the outside, you say, ‘Yeah, Sure.’ while you drool inside.

You border on her place located in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

And Bam! An emergency alarm goes off in your head.

You pluck out your smartphone and start searching for a medical store nearby.

You think for a jiffy if she would judge you. But you pass anyway.

Why would an author carry a pen for autographs when sales of his book did not even hit double figures?

Obviously, going by your dating track record, you had not planned for this date beyond a certain point.

Ok, so coming back to the emergency, frantically rushing through your phone, as you hit the search button, your browser looks plain white. A grey-white circular thing does rounds at the top.

You check the signal. Network signal resembles skyscraper full but the internet signal shows an E. (E is the new F word for you here).

She tries to peep into your phone just to check on what you are doing.

“Searching for something?” she asks. She knows what you are looking for though. Yeah, I told you, she is smart.

“Well yeah.. Umm, Naah. Searching for some local stuff. I am ok. It is loading. I will get it” You say, embarrassed to the core.

Well, you could simply ask her or anyone passing by to locate a medical shop for you and go on with it but that would be against your masculinity and obstinacy, you would think; especially with the smart-phone, the smart-you and high speed-highly expensive internet plan that you have paid for.

“It seems to be taking a lot of time.” She doubts.

“No no. It is 3G.” You say proudly, still wondering when for the last time on heaven’s name had you seen your internet running at the 3G speed. It is always the E; when I say always, it indeed is – Always.

E is the EDGE internet technology is all you know, nothing more. But, for sure you know that, in today’s world it is like watching a movie on Doordarshan.

You struggle to decide between what is causing more anxiety, the pleasure that lies in the night to follow or the annoying grey circle still doing rounds at the top of your browser leaving a hypnotizing impact on your brain.

While you have been particularly proud of your smart phone and being wealthy enough to afford a high speed internet pack, ironically you wish you had no phone at all.

It is much better to have a one shot, sudden slaughter than going through a slow, painful, never arriving death.

Had you not had internet at all, you could have simply asked for help from passersby without feeling guilty about not juicing worth of the chunk of your pocket that you paid for the internet.

Furthermore, there would have been a bonus. All the money that you spent on the high speed data pack, which by the way never runs on high speed, you could have spent it at the medical shop and hell yeah, that spending would have been worth it.

It is the hope that it gives and the ray of tinkling that it has hurts the most.

Is it there? Is it not there? You don’t know. But you keep hoping it would catch a 3G signal just now …or now …or may be now.

But, No my friend, No. It does not. It so does NOT. The only time when it does is called, ‘Never’.

Just as the spinning grey juggernaut takes toll of your dream date, she shatters everything that surrounded your fantasy and says, “Ok, I think I’m going to doze off. I feel tired. Please drop me here.”

You curse the mobile company’s deceptive advertisements and you curse yourself for falling for it.

Dejected and devastated, left with no choice, you wish her good bye and good night. You watch poorly as she walks off and dissolves into a distant world, of which you could have been a protagonist.

You stare at the grey circle of unhurried death; the circle stares back at you. It smirks and hitting the final nail in the coffin, it makes way for the funeral with ‘The Page Cannot Be Displayed’.

Photo Credit: nile

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